Life-Altering Affirmation

The transformative power of genuine affirmation is unlimited and unending!

It was 1970 and I was in my second summer working as a hobo clown in ragtag traveling youth circus. Some of my college classmates had “real” jobs in their chosen fields that paid two or three times what I was making, but I had opted for life experience over vocational experience. Where else could I learn fire eating or train a pig to go down a sliding board? And besides, since I had no idea what I wanted to do after graduation, I didn’t even know what line of work I would have picked.

Before we “pulled up stakes” to begin our summer tour, someone made a request that a few of our clowns visit a local facility caring for disabled children. In the midst of that invitation was a statement preparing us for what we were agreeing to: “Some of the residents will be in cages,” they warned. That description sounded too bizarre to be accurate, so I basically ignored it.

On the day of the visit, a staff person met us as we entered the facility, thanked us for coming, and invited us into a waiting room. She spoke with certainty that we would be meeting some of the most severely disabled young folks that we have ever—or rather never—imagined!  I don’t remember much more of what she shared in that brief meeting, but I do remember clearly her sensitivity in giving us permission to return to that room if at any point we felt what we were experiencing became “too much”! Her very sensitive and genuine offer jarred this young “can-handle-anything coal cracker” and suddenly I started to question my decision and whether I had the personal resources to do this.

The first unit or ward cosest to the nursing station was for the most severely challenged residents. I don’t remember if the nurse chose me or I naively volunteered, but it was here where I met Wil. I immediately understood where the statement “they’re in cages” came from. Wil was in a very large crib-like structure with metal bars on all sides, including the entire top! I won’t attempt to describe Wil’s physical or emotional state; to be honest, I’m not sure I’m even capable of putting that into words!

The nurse offered me a chair which I expect she assessed was critical at that point. I did not say a single word to Wil—that wasn’t a decision I made but rather a result of the fact that I was simply unable to speak. Actually, I don’t know if that amazing caretaker brought me that chair because she felt I was going to need it or if it might have been a subtle nudge to stay a while with Wil? In reflecting back, I wonder if she realized I was about to be gifted?  

Wil didn’t utter a sound but gradually and cautiously moved closer to the side rails separating us. I expect he had never seen a hobo clown before and certainly not that close up. I sat there silently for what felt like eternity but at the same time I felt something life-altering and journey-jarring was unfolding!

I never moved from that chair and had no desire to because I gradually began to sense something was happening that I could possibly wrestle with the remainder of my days. I had no real sense of what that was at the time, but became more convinced as the minutes ticked by!

Unintentionally I found myself moving closer to Wil and his facial expression began to change. Somehow he just looked more inquisitive, although I can’t say how exactly I determined that. 

I have no sense of how long Wil and I sat there starring at each other, but I expect it wasn’t long enough—at least for me!  That same nurse eventually tapped me on the shoulder and informed me that my friends were waiting for me outside.

As that amazing caregiver (not caretaker) escorted me to the waiting room, she paused briefly,

her emotions making her sharing challenging. “Thank you for staying with Wil,” she finally got out. “He is a very special young man! This is the first time he didn’t scream at a visitor or attempt to spit on them. He actually moved closer to you when you moved closer to him. I believe he actually tried to smile, which he hasn’t done to my knowledge since I have worked here!”

I expect our Sneaky God was present yet again, possibly nudging both of us a bit closer?

I’m convinced that unique and transformative experience and, even more important, the emotion-driven feedback and affirmation from Wil’s caregiver were a major factor in shaping what career path I would eventually take! It certainly contributed to my decisions to accept positions as a counselor at the State Correctional Institution at Camp Hill, Bethany Children’s Home, and eventually as the Director of Family Life Services. To this day my greatest joy as a therapist is to accompany folks through their most difficult life challenges.

I have found myself revisiting that event many times over the years. I’ve certainly wondered about Wil‘s journey up until the point I met him. Did his life experiences with humans cause him to retreat within himself and lash out when one came close? Did my unusual clown makeup allow somewhat of a safe barrier to allow him to explore an inner need for human contact? What was his life like after our encounter? These unanswerable questions occasionally surface and continue to this very day.

While I will probably never know the answers, what I have come to fully understand and celebrate is that heartfelt affirmation—especially at a time when we are not seeking or expecting it—has long-term transformative power, often opening up and allowing us to access and embrace possibilities, gifts, and potential we never imagined!

QUESTIONS FOR DEEPENING THE SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

1. What do you think about the power of presence and simply seeing someone else?
2. How often are you able to tolerate, much less appreciate, silence without filling it with words, distractions, picking up your phone, etc.? What do you think you might be missing?
3. Have you ever spent 1-3 minutes just looking into someone else’s eyes without speaking? Would you be willing to give it a try and if so, what was it like?
4. When was the last time you were the recipient of genuine specific and heartfelt affirmation or gratitude? What did it feel like?
5. Can you identify a time when you received indirect affirmation through added responsibilities, etc.? Were you able to recognize it at the time?
6. Has a chance encounter, a casual, “offhand” comment, or stranger’s words ever had a lasting, perhaps even life-altering, effect on you? Do you believe this could be the Sneaky God speaking through them? Do you think you at times may have been God’s voice piece for someone else? 

CHALLENGE: Identify a person within the next week behaving or speaking in a positive/life-giving manner and share with them very specifically what you witnessed and why you appreciated it. How did the person respond to your affirmation of them? How did their response effect you?